


Hanji Bear

by milk_qndhinata



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Adopted Armin Arlert, Adopted Krista Lenz, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Brief Petra Ral, Disney References, Episode: s02e09 Good Luck Charlie, Gen, Hange kicking some ass, I don’t like Floch Forster with his stupid hair, Levi almost kicking some ass, Married Hange Zoë and Levi, Oneshot, Parent Hange Zoë, Parent Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Parent Levi Ackerman, Siblings Armin and Krista, Teacher! Floch Forster, Twins! Armin and Krista, maybe a bit ooc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:48:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25179469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milk_qndhinata/pseuds/milk_qndhinata
Summary: Hanji takes it upon herself to try and solve Armin’s problems... Of which is a guaranteed disaster.
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 30





	Hanji Bear

**Author's Note:**

> a oneshot loosely inspired after the ninth episode from the second season of disney’s “good luck charlie.”

“Excuse me, Mr. Forster?” Armin approached his teacher once his peers cleared the classroom. His sister and friends keeked from around the corner to observe Armin’s confrontation with their English teacher of whom is known for, to put it as kindly as possible, the school’s most punchable teacher. He would fail his students over the most trivial of things and always get away with it; one would have to suck up _hard._

Armin Arlert, who aimed for valedictorian, did just that.

No way anyone else would, but Armin? That’s not even a question to be thought of. He would kiss that itchy sweater’s ass with his stupid cinnamon roll hair as much it would take to maintain his grades. That’s correct, you didn’t misread. If _Armin Arlert_ hates a teacher, you know they’re more bitter than coffee powder. 

Now that hate increased when receiving an unfair C on the test he took that day. Armin knew right away he crushed all the test questions but his assigned grade told otherwise. Floch Forster raised a finger while he sharpened a pencil and directed noncommittal attention to his student when finished pairing the number two pencil with its replicas and nodded for Armin to voice his concerns.

“Excuse my interruption, but I believe you made a mistake on my test.” Floch shot Armin a deadpan glare that ran sweat behind the student’s knees. “Th-This would be the part where you laugh.”

Forster didn’t laugh.

Armin worked up the nerve to show his teacher the test. “Okay, well, I know all of these are correct but you marked them wrong anyway.” The older man hastily skimmed the paper and handed it back to Armin.

“They are wrong.”

Armin sustained his smile and bit his lip to restrain from cursing aloud. “But those are the correct answers.”

“No, you _correctly_ incompletely shaded in the ovals next to the corresponding letter. Whenever a student fails to execute a simple task such as this, it is evident they would lose points,” Florster haughtily smirked, “therefore your grade.”

Armin couldn’t believe the words he was hearing. His grade was lowered because he didn’t fill in a dumb shape all the way? “You’re kidding, right?”

“Mister Ackerman, I haven’t kidded since...” Floch thought for a moment quite surprised at his revelation, “I‘ve never kidded.”

Armin decided to just look that utterance aside. “So, a-are you going to change my grade?”

“No, I am not.”

_“But that’s not fair.”_

“Let me tell you something,” Forster gestured Armin to lean in and whispered _“I don’t care”_ into his ear. The blond boy stuttered over his attempts at words stemmed from confusion and outrage at his teacher’s unjust character. As inheriting a combination of his parents’ personalities would have it, Armin arrived at the perfect method to deal with these emotions of which revealed to be staring his teacher right in the eye and deliberately snapping the tips of all his educator’s precious pencils against the desk, never minding for a second Forster’s dumbfounded flabbergast.

* * *

“We’re home!” Armin thought if he disguised the uneasiness his teacher brought onto him with the usual glee he was well known for, his parents wouldn’t notice. Armin and Krista’s mother Hanji greeted them from further in the house. 

“Hey, kids! How was school today?” The twins joined Hanji in the kitchen and each grabbed a snack, seating themselves at the table. Armin bit into an apple, “It was okay.”

“If you leave out the fact of Armin getting a C on his English test.”

Armin kicked his sister from underneath the table. “Krista!”

“What’s the problem? For you, it’s probably physically impossible to utter those words.” She swiped a paper from Armin and handed it to Hanji.

“A disciplinary notice?” The woman’s chestnut eyes widened behind her glasses after adjusting them. She never thought she’d see the day where her sweet as a peach son got into trouble. “Honey, what happened?”

“Nothing, I...” Armin sunk deep into his chair, “I just got mad a teacher because he lowered my grade for not correctly filling in some stupid ovals, so I snapped his stupid pencils.” Hanji squinted at her son’s explanation for his apparent ‘behavior issues.’

“I’m confused. I’m not hearing that you did anything wrong.”

“Because he didn’t! Mister Forster is an old bat, that’s what’s wrong.” Krista rolled her eyes to the back of her head at the thought of their sour teacher. Hanji slammed the paper on the table with a bit of force that instantly didn’t bode well with Armin. That feeling snowballed when his mother readily popped just about every one of her bones and stretched her muscles.

“Okay, tell you what. I’ll go down to your school and have a little talk with this Forster.” Intrigue transformed Krista’s face, this should be really promising. Whenever their mom offered to take matters into her own hands, it almost always - scratch that, _exclusively_ always - indicated there was nothing good to come out of it. Armin rushed in front of Hanji just in time before she made it out the door.

“Or you can stay here where you can’t be a danger to everyone around you. There’s an idea, isn’t it?” Armin eagerly lead his mom back to the kitchen.

“What do you mean? Why don’t you want me to go?” 

“No offense, mom, but whenever you get involved with stuff like this—“

Krista completed for Armin, “You turn into what we call ‘Hanji Bear.’”

Hanji exclaimed in understanding. “Is that what you’re worried about?”

“Yes! Whenever Hanji Bear wanders out of her cave, bad things happen.”

“But they’re usually entertaining! Remember when she judo flipped that guy at the supermarket last week for stealing the last honey-vanilla yogurt from her?” Krista and Hanji cackled, reminiscing over that amusing time. Armin leered at his two family members for giggling and mimicking the poor soul who fell victim to their mother and cut their little skit short when the two women shut themselves up over the loathe written on his face.

“Thank you for demonstrating exactly why I don’t want you to meet with my teacher.”

“Come on, give me a chance! I promise I’m more than capable of going down there and having a civilized discussion.” It took intense begging for Armin to soften up and finally grant her permission.   
  


* * *

  
The next day, Armin was called to the principal’s office. He had been notified from one of the teachers that Principal Ral wanted to see him, and was a bit on edge all the walk there due to having never been required to. Was he in trouble? Besides the pencil thing, Armin couldn’t think of anything he did.

Oh dear god.

Armin unsteadily seated in front of her desk. “You wanted to see me? May I ask what about?”

Petra Ral wanted to keep a serious exterior, really she did, and failed miserably. As principal of the school, one needed to own qualities that reflects such an expecting role. How could she when watching one of the most hysterical videos of her life? Seeing that stuck up Floch receive his karma for being a nuisance to everyone and a thorn in her side got both of them splitting farther than a banana’s next to scoops of ice cream. She slapped her hand over her mouth to control the inappropriate laughter and all Armin could do in the moment was... Stare. Ral cleared her throat and rotated her desktop for the bewildered student to view.

“I wanted to show you something our security cameras caught earlier today. I think you’ll find it interesting.” She clicked a button and the black-and-white video that played to Armin displayed his mother pursuing a terrified Floch Forster throughout the empty school hallways, launching projectiles and making creative use of the property to assault him. Inevitably, she caught Forster and restrained the cowering man into a professional choke hold, sturdily keeping him in that position until administrators and officials apprehended her.

Armin stammered for a completely rational explanation.

“I have no explanation for this.”

Petra chuckled. “Can’t blame you there. There’s good and bad news. Mister Forster has agreed not to press charges, but your mother is banned from campus.” Armin‘s eyes lit up like the stars trying to find the supposed problem with that last bit of information. For everyone’s sake, Hanji’s expulsion was for the best.

“... What’s the bad news?”

“Mr. Forster is demanding an apology.”

“Oh?” Was that all? If an apology was all it took to make this issue go away, he could do it! The blond headed for the door, “I’ll apologize the next time I see him!” 

“Not from you.”

Armin stiffened. _There’s the bad news._

* * *

Hanji pulled out a tray of freshly baked cupcakes from the oven and began icing them one by one. Call her mini baking spree a coping mechanism due to the future wrath she’ll receive from her son, and hopefully something to distract him from his scolding. Small hands caught Hanji off guard when sneaking under her shirt and caressing the warm skin of her defined abdomen to settling on wrapping around her waist. The man kissed and nibbled her neck. Hanji smiled.

“Making cupcakes, I see?” From behind his wife, Levi observed the treats sitting atop a large plate pushed to the side. He tasted one for himself and actually enjoyed it to his surprise. Paired with tea, this would definitely be a satisfying snack. Usually Hanji’s baking was the equivalent of actual shit, but today? Today she spontaneously decided to become a chef. Which meant only one thing.

Levi leaned his elbow on the counter to support his cheek in his palm and grinned in intrigue. “Shitty Glasses, what’d you do?”

Hanji squeaked, “Nothing! N-Nothing... Why do you ask?”

 _“MOM!”_ The front door slammed hard enough to shake the whole house and Hanji cursed under her breath. Levi’s snarky grin formed into a full smile - this should be promising.

“Uh oh, I think we’re about to find out what ‘nothing’ means.” Armin stormed into the kitchen and threw his schoolbag on the table. Visible steam shot from his ears attached to the face red as a tomato farm.

“What’s up sweetie?” His mother waved innocently.

“I just saw the most interesting nature film in school today. Yeah, it was about a Hanji Bear who _wandered into a classroom and assaulted a teacher!”_ Levi wanted to be surprised, but Levi couldn’t be surprised. Marrying a person meant marrying their problems, and in Hanji’s case, their mental problems. At least twice a month, he asks the question of why he wanted to spend the rest of his life with a crazy four eyed woman. While some would also label them as disadvantages, married life with Hange Zoë had its advantages. For example, he was given the ultimate pleasure and joy to witnessing some comical scenes over the years - choke holding a teacher for the justice of her son is a prime example.

Levi sat in the dark about that event so his daughter filled him in. “Teacher sounds like a dipshit. Want me to kick his ass around better than the sorry job your mother did?” It’s actually been some while since Levi gave a good ass-kicking and he wanted to make a grand return to the stage. Sadly, that wish might have to die considering Armin’s frantic denying.

“Dad, you would make things worse than already is! For my and Mister Florster’s butt’s sake, don’t do anything.” Levi begrudgingly agreed. Oh well, it’s for the best. If given the chance, there was a dangerously high chance he would have crippled the man to bedrest. Armin believed if it was his father instead of mother who decided to confront his teacher... Oh he couldn’t bare to imagine it.

Hanji swiftly iced the cupcake she held in her hand and offered it to Armin, “Cupcake?”

“Nice try, cupcakes only work on Krista.” The said girl hesitantly admitted to that fact as she removed her face from a cupcake. Hanji placed the plate of desserts onto the table and Armin, arms crossed and aura threatening, approached his mother. “Mr. Forster is coming over tomorrow night and you will apologize to him.” The guilty mother realized this wasn’t up for debate. “At which point we’re all going to demonstrate how much of a normal, kind, non-hostile family we are.”

“Alright, we will. I’m sorry, gumdrop. Please don’t stay mad at me?” No, Armin refused buying them doggy eyes again. Those eyes were the reason they were in this situation in the first place.

“How did this even happen, mom? What did he do to make you commit a felony!?” Armin plowed against the wall and slid to the floor, banging his head rhythmically to help him understand why he can actually say the words ‘I bailed my mom out of jail.’

“He did nothing! That is, if you leave out his denying me a discussion about your grade after taking the precious time out of my day to do so even following my polite requesting, t-to which I got angry and then...” She transitioned into a mumble and found sudden interest in the tracing of her finger on the tabletop, _“swiped everything off his desk._ On the bright side, it was the aid of that helpful spark that sent us on our seminar of bonding together?” It physically pained Armin to hear this. He groaned over Levi and Krista’s contagious snickering that almost succeeded pulling a couple giggles out of him, but he needed to remind himself that nothing about this situation was a laughing matter. A humiliating, dire, most-likely-to-return-and-bite-him-in-the-ass situation was what it was.

  
Armin sighed and trudged to his room, speaking the reminder ‘all of you be on your best behavior tomorrow’ before disappearing inside. Either it was a warning or force of habit, worst case scenario: both, but mollified was the absolute last feeling he had been left with.

* * *

The doorbell ringed and the Ackerman family prepared for either calamity or success. Armin hurried to answer the door. Right as his hand connected with the knob, he halted and turned to the three of his blood.

“Mom, what are you going to do?” His question sounded more of one listed on a quiz. Armin rehearsed with Hanji hourly throughout the day because he could never be too cautious.

“I’m going to be good!” Hanji curtseyed in pride.

“Dad, Krista, what are you two going to do?”

“We won’t make fun of him or his hair,” they synced. Armin proceeded to open the door and there a uninterested Floch stood. The second Krista and Levi caught the sight of the man, they couldn’t hold their snickers. The night turned bad in a hurry and barely a minute had passed...

“Hello Mister Forster! Come in, come in.” Armin closed the door behind their houseguest. “You remember my mom?” Forster assured his distance between him and Hanji.

“Every time I close my eyes.” Armin brought his mom, who smirked cunningly, a bit closer towards Floch.

“Mom, wasn’t there anything you wanted to say to Mister Forster?” Hanji stayed silent, caught in a dagger war in the form of glaring against her guest. It wasn’t until Armin forced a cough that she swallowed her pride for the narcissistic bastard.

“I’m sorry.”

“For?”

Oh no. “Swiping everything off your desk.”

“And?”

“Chasing you through the hallway.”

“While?”

_“You screamed like a little girl—“_

“Okay!” Armin separated the two enemies just in time before history could repeat itself. “Good enough! All right, who’s hungry? Mom, why don’t you silently go into the kitchen with Krista and check on dinner?”

“Wha? But I’m fine right here!” Armin ushered his wining sister from the living room with their mother which only left him, Levi and Forster together. Armin presented the two men before one another.

“Mister Forster, this is my father Levi Ackerman. Dad, this is my English teacher.” Floch stooped to match the shorter man’s height and Levi definitely wasn’t fond of that. The only other thing he found great sensitivity in besides his upbringing and cleaning nature was his height. At most so when one leaned down to him as they would to a _child._

“It’s nice to meet you.”

Levi hesitantly shook Floch’s finger instead of his entire hand. “Feeling’s mutual.”

“Uh... Why don’t we sit?” Armin offered one of the many assortments of appetizers displayed on the coffee table for his educator. So far, the visit went without a hitch thanks to the support of Armin breezing through small talk with Forster. Progress was made as quickly as it’d been chucked out the window, because the world had long established that it doesn’t want Armin to have a normal life or family.

“So, how do you deal with it?”

“With what exactly?” Floch scoffed at Levi’s faint confusion.

“Being married to a brute like her must be agonizing. How ever do you cope?” The purpose of Forster’s joke intended to be a harmless pleasantry; it was far from that. Armin’s stomach dropped at catching a glimpse of the murderous gleam reflecting his father’s eyes.

Armin offered “Crudités?” in a croak.

“The ‘her’ you’re referring to is my wife?” A subtle yet somehow disturbingly ear piercing snarl birthed within Levi’s words that trailed goosebumps along Floch’s skin.

“Crudités?” Armin tried breaking the suffocating tension clearly to no avail.

“Wanna know how I cope? By skinning alive a certain individual until—“

“Dad!” Armin jumped in between his teacher and Levi who are now standing off. Forster raised his chin in a challenged manner.

“Are you threatening me?”

“This is the only the appetizers, people, let’s pace ourselves!” Levi wanted to clobber this shallow man to all hell but he recalled how desperate his son was to mend the bad blood because of Hanji’s actions and show sorry. Levi communicated apology by eyes to Armin and the panicked blond accepted it.

“I want to make it clear that I own immense hatred for you. Nonetheless, I will forget what you said unless you apologize.”

Floch thought of Levi’s proposal, taking a step forward.

“Alright. _I’m sorry you married a lunatic.”_

Armin lost his balance and the couch caught him as he rubbed his forehead to fend off an oncoming headache. Levi muttered a blood-curdling _‘that’s it’_ before chasing the terror stricken Forster around the living room. He almost collided with Hanji who exited the kitchen holding a tray of mini quiches and his prepubescent shrieks reverberated louder inside the house.

“Come back here shitbird!” Levi cut him off from the door at every attempt, but the man managed to weasel his way out of the Ackerman abode.

“You’re psychotic and even crazier than your wife!” Levi watched on the porch as Armin’s teacher scuttled from the premises.

“Hey! No one’s crazier than my wife!” A few neighbors emerged from their homes to find the cause of commotion. Hanji joined her husband and chucked the finger food at Forster’s vanishing figure.

“Yeah! No one’s crazier than me!” Krista and Armin piled with their parents outside. Krista clutched her stomach from over excessive laughing at their teacher running away with his tail between his legs. Suddenly, Hanji and Levi - expecting the worse - looked to their son expecting to be afflicted with distress over breaking their promise of behaving.

To say the parents were startled when their son’s lovely laughter mingled with his sister’s would be an understatement.

It was true Armin had been utterly embarrassed by his parents. However, it was also true that his teacher crossed the line by insulting his parents. After that, Armin didn’t give a damn if Mister Forster would take his anger out on him in class or fill out a restraining order against his family (which he actually went on to do).

“See you in class!” Armin shouted. He and his family exchanged high-fives. At the end of the day, it didn’t matter whether he had a brute and psycho for parents - he shouldn’t be embarrassed of them. He loved them to pieces.

Besides, the more he pondered it, the more he thought it was pretty damn cool he could say his parents attacked his teacher.

**Author's Note:**

> it took me about a week to write this! i recently got disney plus, so there may be more fics i’ll make inspired by episodes and movies (the wheels of inspiration are turning!) anyway, thank you for whoever decided to read this! i hope you liked it and i appreciate the support. ♡


End file.
